LifeAquarian

This is a photo of my TV screen from Headlines on Jay Leno last night.  I'm so jealous!!!

Anyone who really knows me, knows my favorite two tv shows as a child were Get Smart and Silk Stalkings.  We all know there will never be a Silk Stalkings movie (however Rob Estes will be starring in the new Beverly Hills 90210 series), but as luck would have it, they have made a Get Smart movie!!!! Can I just say YAY.... and that not only is there a movie of my favorite show, but Steve Carell is playing Agent 86 (Don Adams)!!!!!  They could not have cast the role better.  I NEED to go see it....June 20, as soon as it comes out.  I am currently accepting applications for my Get Smart date but fair warning, you MUST be as big of a fan or at the very least have seen one episode of the show.

 
PS...the new Mole starts tonight and I couldn't be happier, unless it was celebrity Mole starring Kathy Griffin and the kid from Dinosaurs....and Anderson Cooper as the host.  You get the picture....my life is sad.

We all know that I have dedicated my life thus far to helping my fellow (wo)man.  I say wo(man) simply to use gender-neutral language, not because this entry is aimed specifically at women, Lord knows that isn't the case.  Nor is it directed specifially at men.  I could have used to the word human, but I wanted another excuse to point out the gender inequalities of our everyday language.  Ok, that isn't the point here, so let me refocus.  I like to help people.  Well, I have decided that the time has come for me to rededicate my life's work.  That's right...I am changing my career goals.  However, I am not completely changing the purpose.  I still want to help people.  In fact, my new career will help far more people than I could have hoped with my previous line of work.  I am going back to school....to be a scientist.  More specifically, a Geneticist.  
I am certain that all of your lives have been touched by this terrible affliction at some point.  It affects millions of people in this world.  It is a plague that knows no limitations or bounds.  It can affect anyone regardless of gender, socio-economic status, race or creed.  That's right folks, I am going on a search for the Stupid gene.  It will be a difficult journey, and incredibly challenging, but I believe if I am successful, I will make quality of life better for everyone in this world.  The stupid ones and those of us who come in direct contact with stupid people every day.  I cannot forget to thank all the stupid people in my life, who have been the inspiration for this life altering decision I have made.  I know that at this point there is no saving them, but hopefully generations to come will no longer have to deal with this disorder.  In the rare instance that none of you have had to deal with this affliction, please watch any episode of The Real World Sydney Marathon showing on MTV today.  It is an up close and personal depiction of the far reaching effects of stupidity. 

Virginia really is for lovers.  Seriously, its awesome.  You should visit.  And I don't mean DC.

So for like a week or two ages ago I attempted a "Quote of the Week".  Well, I got lazy and being that I no longer have human contact for the majority of the week, I have decided to attempt to honor the long-lived high school lunch table "Tip of the Day".  Sometimes these tips may serve as a forum for complaining, they may actually be useful (doubtful), they may simply give you some insight into my extremely boring existance, or they may be humerous in nature.  Then, again, after today, I may never have another one again.  If you get bored of these little tid bits, feel free to unfriend me.

Today's Tip of the Day:
If you have curly hair that only appears to be getting curlier by the day, do not cut your hair shorter than you have in eight years.  I look like fucking Shirley Temple!

Thank you and have a wonderful remainder of your day.

Ok, so guess what happened to me less than 24 hours after spending two days scrubbing my apartment to a beautiful shine!?!?
 


Bonus points if you can guess which load of laundry I had to rewash after this!

The good news is that I'm fairly certain that Jesus's image was formed in the grounds...that and the fact that I will use this as an excuse to go get a new coffee maker, which I have secretly wanted for a while now.

Last year the tradition began as we traveled to Athens  to enjoy a day of partying, rolling in the grass, and playing all 13 versions of Rocky Top from the IPOD - yay disco version!  This year we traveled to Knoxville to enjoy the game.  Despite not getting home until 3:30am due to bicman's insanely fun birthday bash at Pie, getting up a mere four and a half hours later to drive up there, "someone's" brilliant idea to take back roads to avoid traffic (DO NOT EVER USE RAND MCNALLY'S SHORTEST ROUTE, EVER), and going through the smokey mountains (at least I got an awesome pair of moccasins) which took two and a half hours longer than normal, we still had an amazing time.  First was the game at Mellow Mushroom at which I could barely keep my eyes open, thank God for Nichole's obnoxious horn and all those TN touchdowns.  But, hey, at least my team won.  Then we were off to the most amazing place I have ever been in my life.  If you are ever in the Knoxville area, please do yourself a favor and go to King Tut's!!  A Mediterranean restaurant with wonderful food that is oh so much more.  It's a brown bag place, so we got to drink lots of wine very cheaply, we drank water out of vases, karaoke you run yourself, and a playground of costumes, wigs, masks, hula hoops, a tricycle and many more toys to play with.  My favorite was the old time photo merrie and I shot on the bar.  I almost got fake arrested by Nichole's husband at the bar, but since UT won, he worked until after 4.  I was sad, but other than that an unbelievably fun weekend!  I am still recovering.

I found this in the non-profit job postings on craigslist.  I am seriously thinking of applying, but notice the compensation of $0.  On the positive side, it could be the beginning of a career opportunity.  Then I could join the TAPS team and have a passionate love affair with Grant...or Steve.  But never, ever, ever Brian.

Ok...so its over.  Thank God.  I think it went pretty well.  We'll see.  I hate the wait, so in an effort to keep my mind off of it, I'm off to add to my beer passport (I'm almost 1/3 of the way to my own mug) and play some photo hunt....unfortunately, not the nudie kind.  If anyone wants to join in the crazy OTP fun give me a call!

and now this.  

I guess its time to sell that Sara Lee stock. No, I am not joking...I really own stock in Sara Lee.

See...I didn't make it up. This is apparently a celebrity episode and unfortunately its only the end, so you can't see the amazing graphics when they are sent off to the isolation booth. P.S. I hate Sean Astin!

Ok, so its been gone for quite some time, but some shreads of my life from long ago, were etched into my memory for what I thought would be forever. I'm afraid that with today's passing of my favorite tv scientist, they will all leave my head for good. Countless hours of my childhood were spent watching him teach me to make a battery out of a potato or blow up 2 liter bottles with baking soda to teach me the principles of science. Farwell, Mr. Wizard.

What does that phrase even mean? I never really got it. Anway, exactly one week from this very moment, I will be on my way to Bonnaroo!

Things I am looking forward to most:
1. One word - Regina!
2. Putting all of my conditioning to good use
3. Drug land...yeah, I know that's not what its called, but the psychedelic place where everything is trippy
4. David Cross
5. Decorating crackers with easy cheese for hours
6. Actually having an automatic pump this year for my air matress so I don't pass out trying to pump it up
7. The best vegetarian corndogs I have ever tasted
8. Having the most amazing poop of my life in the Manchester McDonald's on Sunday

Things I am looking forward to least:
1. Trying to hold in my poo with Amodium AD...it hasn't let me down yet, but you never know
2. A massive caravan
3. Making sure we actually have enough room for all of our tents in our area
4. Attempting to sleep through fireworks all night long
5. Having to go see Gillian Welch by myself while everyone else is at Kings of Leon
6. The creepy people going around selling t-shirts who want our food and beer (ok, maybe its paranioa and they really don't want our food and beer, but I swear they eye that shit like they haven't eaten in weeks)
7. The spot by the car where everyone pees...by Saturday that shit is ripe!
8. The people who are coming to see Tool

Of Harold S. Martin. Harold was born on June 3rd, 2007 in Grayson, GA at 3:52pm and died on June 3rd, 2007 at 3:54pm. Harold was a good bubble. He never complained and was always fun to be around. Harold is survived by his 3 children, Baby Bubble, and Schmee and Fifi (the siamese twins) as well as many friends who will miss him greatly. I am happy to say that I was lucky enough to spend all of Harold's life with him. It was a magical 2 minutes. Unfortunately, like many who have gone before, Harold was taken from us much too early. Harold, where-ever you are, know you are loved and missed and we will never forget you.

The only time I ever liked Fergie....

with my new Magic Bullet! For all of you super freaks out there, I am not talking about the sex toy or the theory used by conspiracy theorists to describe the conclusion of the Warren Commission report that a single bullet caused four wounds at four different trajectories during the John F. Kennedy assassination, but the fabulous blender from the infomercial. See below:






Last night I used it to make deliscious german potato pancakes and this morning for a yummy yogurt smoothie. It really is magic and clean up is so easy. I might just sleep cuddled up with it tonight. I need money...maybe they could pay me to spread the word.

Ever thought that if you got kicked in the balls one more time you just might give up on everything you've ever believed in? I am moving to Mexico to live in a hut on the beach.

"You know how some computers have a high-speed internet connection.....well, some people have a high-speed internet connection with God and He sent me to tell you that you have a bright future ahead of you. "
~Random House Appraiser (FREAK)

The sexiest Jack Bauer has ever been.....

The government should keep us all high and just come around and bring us breakfast, lunch and dinner. And they could do it all through potted meat.
~Ashley and Myra's theory for Utopia